why am i feeling like this?

 

 

 

 

how i wish the girl is me, and....

 

the guy

 

I listen to shinhwa - liar

haaa

someone likes him. 

right. laugh it out. like i care.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...you don't know how much i care!

that girl was absolutely waving over the place that she likes him. she tatters away and leaving us (another my friend) behind. and guess what? she's teasing me with our other friend. duh. malicious thoughts. ._-

i don't know. i think i got jealous.

seriously, i think him and i got some kind of non verbal connection. you know what i mean? i could see him glancing into my direction. -_- (right, be flattered, girl.) i didn't care. i didn't glance back. cause im avoiding looking at him! T_T; everytime i look at him, i feel like i want to do alot of things. =_= stupid thoughts. why is my inner self like this? i feel like Harry Potter. damn..

okay, so everytime he laughs with our friends (im obviously there) he looks at me. THAT. IS. ALWAYS. ._. i don't want to think things that he likes me back but you can't help. i kind of trust my woman instinct and i don't know. i just don't know anymore.

so last night, after we hung out again, i was thinking if i should see them again. especially him. but whatever. i will not risk ANYTHING to stop playing badminton. AHAHA. so yeah, during the ride back home i was thinking deeply and i felt sad. i don't why i felt sad, aside from the fact that i knew i was partly jealous. i felt depressed aswell. then when i came home, i knew my face looked sad. i was so tired at the same time. so i went up to the room and read Harry Potter. after some few 20 minutes, i stopped reading and fell asleep. i was so tired and i didn't even thought of the heat. (sorry, i don't have a/c. T_T) but before that. as much as i thought of not seeing him again, i texted him goodnight. i didn't get the fast reply (which i usually get...) but when i suddenly woke up, i saw 3 messages. 2 from him, 1 from aika, my classmate in cwts.

i read the message and he was asking when we would want to play again. i texted back, telling him that i'm free everyday, as long as we start after 2pm, cuz i don't think i could get back at exactly 2pm after i finish school. (blames the heavyy traffic!)

well, the last part was irrelevant but i think whenever he messages me, i just can't help myself to reply back! @.@; especially when i have load. then we text for an hour until we both drift to sleep. well, him first cuz i can't really sleep for lying in the bed for even 2 hours.

so i decided to go to sleep. i read HP again and......... at 1am, my mom forced me to go to bed. she said that i could read HP tomorrow. so i closed the book and blamed my brother because im still not sleepy. lights are closed for 10 minutes. i yawn then no sleepiness. ._.

that went for another hour and nothing happened. i couldn't sleep at all because i was thinking about.. everything. what happened yesterday, school, everything. i was too stressed out. like my inner self said, i need someone to tell everything i wanted. so here i am now. duh, im such a coward. im telling my thought to no one. like writing it here gives me responses. but anyhow, since im a coward and i don't want anyone to read this, im saying it all out here in my they-thought-deserted-tabulas account. haha. once again, just laugh that out.

and now i realized, i thought about him for so long. desperate to sleep, i still thought of it. i think i went to sleep at 2am. >_<; i think i got serious problem. i think if i didn't drift to sleep that time, probably i'd cry my eyes out and go to my mom and tell her i can't sleep! T_T; seriously, i'd do that! i hate not getting sleep when i want to! it's killing my psychological mentality! (isn't that redundant!?)

well, i hope that won't happen later. last time, that happened to me and i slept at 5am. T_T; i have to wake up at 6 and thank god i did. but i was so tired that day. that i didn't even bother to go online that long. +_+

but anyway, i got so far. haha. i seriously need to focus on my focus! @.@''

i think i'm done. i just want to rant that i like him and i am jealous. that i hope that girl won't tease me again with our friend. it's bad. it's dreadful. and im MUCH more jealous because they would go home together - ALONE. TT^TT; when they both have classes... ahh! but you know what i said?

"Oh great. it would be better. so you could come here together." bonus. with a smile.

am i a great actress?

I listen to Boa - no more make me sick

yeah.

i don't know why i am writing this. because

1. it's really personal.

2. i don't really tell everything to anyone what i feel. well, here i am.. letting all my emotions out in the public cyber space. T_Tv

 

we saw each other yesterday again. hung out and all that. .__. but I REALLY FELT SO..... weird? >.<; i don't know if it's just me because when i told my aunt that im going out yesterday, she asked who am i with, i told her with them (with him. i actually told her __ and the OTHERS) o_o i don't know what's wrong with me because i KEEP on talking and talking about him. *runs around in circles* then she replied to me.. ''really? (in a teasing/mocking way..) are you sure there are others?" or some sort. basically, she's implying that im meeting up with my friends because he's there. bullshit. i want to play and hung out, that's why i went out yesterday. and even before,, she's like telling me.. "do you like him?" .__. what's with people!? of course i answered, "NO." yes. with the BIG CAPITAL letters of N and O. no offense.. but.. err. i'll stop.

so we saw each other. .__. after a few minutes of public transpo.. we arrived at the center.. then.. my other friend was like throwing a mild fit because i was late! XD haha. okay, im to be blamed. >_<; i thought she was going there around 2pm so i didn't mind the time. LOL. anyway... we started playing.

rock paper scissors. i lost, girl-friend won. guy-friend won, HIM lost.

we ended to be team members. i told him, ''WE'RE SERIOUSLY GONNA LOSE!'' .__. in a joking way.. LOL. cuz even before.. we can't be together in a team. T_T; i have kinda slow reflexes and he has poor eyesight. XD haha that's not a good team, doesn't it?

then my girl-friend told me something about what if WE (me and HIM) would actually GO OUT (as in DATE; be BF/GF) in the future. .__. i was SOOOOOOOOOOOO shocked and confused. AM I THAT READABLE!? like what the fuck! is she some kinda mind reader?! o_o

but then again, i just told her "NO. are you crazy?" haha. like that. i replied like that. then, ''or are you jealous because im teamed up with him?" hahah! score? i hope no one noticed that.

after a few more minutes.. we finished playing and i thought that WHAT IF that happens. .__. i don't really really know.

i don't know if he felt/feels like the way i do.

i don't know if he got over with his previous <3 life with one of my classmates in highschool (also good friends..)

i don't know if he ever knew that i liked him a LITTLE bit when we were in highschool.

i don't know if he likes a girl in his school, right now..

i don't know if he's as tough as stone or as soft as bread. (darn. my metaphors sucks arse!)

and lastly..

i don't know, if it's because there's NO guy in my school that's why im closer to my guy friends now.

whatever.

maybe it's better if i let this pass again. probably im just bored or something. like i want someone to take me out to the movies or something. treat me an icecream and be mushy with each other! XD haha im laaammeee!

butttt. i swear. i swear.

when we stopped playing, he was beside me.. inside me, I WAS HAVING A HUGE URGE TO PUT MY HEAD ON HIS SHOULDERS!

or

LEAN MY BACK ON HIS BACK!

 

.___.

 

now, does that mean something.....?

 

 

i know it's crazy that i'm thinking stuff like this~ but i just can't take it off my head and i don't have anyone to rant this kind of things.... .___.

 

 

I listen to NewS - hadashi no cinderella boy

lalalalaaa~

so i can't believe it will get me hooked!

i hope they'll show it here later on! xD hahaha. i swear, the nurse dude is so HOT! <3 reminds me of a moffats member! ^o^; he's so cute~ plus, the cheerleading girl is soo cool. o_o i can't believe she can actually push and pull her bones without hurting! x_X 

truthfully, i was kinda grossed out on that scene but hey, to think of it.. she's a girl.. + she's brave! [; haha!

i absolutely WILL download all the episodes of this series! [; seems like this is the first american series i will watch.. without regrets~

and it turns out that they don't have weird accents! XD hahhaa. i was amazed by the indian guy! he's got good english! <3 ^^; and.. i like it how this series is GLOBAL. LOL. the guy from japan is cracking me up! xD haha teleported to the girl's restroom! hahaha! how cool is that? he's not using his powers for is money but his pleasure! xD haha you know, THAT kinda pleasure.

 

.____.

kakaka.

xD im so spazzing!! i really LOVE this seriess~ i guess i really have to stop watching kurosagi right now. [; and i gotta finish download all that 19 episodes! yayyy! <3 ^o^ the first episode really cliffhung me! T_T; how cruel is that?

 

I listen to Yamashita Tomohisa ft Johnny Jrs. - Kiss de Tsutaete
I feel excited! i want HEROES!!!

it's the last finals for this semester..

 

and I CAN'T STUDY.

okay, i did last night.. but i need to review it all over again. i feel like i know it all but at the same time.. not. xD haha.

i don't know..? maybe it's really true that i slack off at the last part... OF EVERYTHING!

well.. err.. all i want to do now is to watch.. but i can't. because i keep thinking about my exams tomorrow!! T_____________T;

 

i think i should really open my notes again and recite everything!

 

*walks away*

I feel dapdaphae.. .__. = stuffy