just a while ago, everything I wanted to say was flowing and rushing inside my head.

just a while ago, I was thinking what if I told him?

I didn't mean to sound emo, but there's something iffy between us.

why would he text me endlessly when me and my bestfriend can't even exchange 20 text messages a day?

uh- maybe it's just in the "text messages" because we act awkwardly when we face each other.

i don't know anymore.

it's like HALF-half.

 

half-- I love him.

 

half-- I don't.

 

+

And sometimes, it makes me wonder if others can read my mind about this matter. I know a couple of people know what I feel about him. that he makes me frustrated. But to others that don't know, do they have a hint?

Answer: MAYBE.

right. Maybe they do. Maybe they don't.

I was just surprised when she said, "You're not a girlfriend material!"

AHAH!

again, did you read my mind?

But then again, you could say that I am just putting meaning on everything... 

Guys will fall for their best girl friend. I've done it and it wasn't a good idea at all. Now I think a best friend relationship between a guy and a girl can't really exist.
Or maybe I'm just an idiot.

 -BuckNasty @ soompi

 

Shit! T_T;

Guys are truly different to girls. That's all.  

I listen to As One
I feel sore

yay.

alexine is such a ball of emotions!

i can't figure out what i really feel. i can't even think what i am supposed to do... or think. argh. this SO sucks.

earlier this day, i suddenly woke up when my alarm rang at 10 am. i scanned my inbox if there are important messages. well, there is. besides from two greetings of good morning from my high school friends, jen asked me if i already sent her the compilation of OUR work. (jezie, eldi and i.) right, so i dared to give out names. spur of the moment, indeed!

this afternoon, i immediately replied to jen saying that i was waiting for eldi to send me her part so i could edit and send it to her. so she told me to text eldi and i did. heck. and i bitched at her. hahah! right. i b-i-t-c-h-e-d at her. because im fucking getting pissed off at her fucking excuses! well, say.. "our phone got disconnected.. is it my fault?" bitch! i don't care if it's your fault or not. (really.) well, i don't know who uses your phone so you got yours disconnected. who knows that you're chatting with a fucker until the middle of the dawn?

so she says she's at divisoria right now. well, i really didn't mean to bitch at her. but i felt like i needed to. because, she's giving me excuses. first, the disconnected (no more) phone of theirs (that came back to life this morning. as she says.) second, she's in divisoria.. and third, she sent the file to jen... ALREADY. okay, let's not put jen into this shit because she's doing her job alright. i know i'm annoying sometimes, but can't i be annoyed to another group member too? probably she's saying, 'PUTANG INANG ALEXINE TO AH! GAGO PALA TO EH! PINALALAKI PROBLEMA!' thank you, fucker.

anyway, if she sent the file to jen, why can't she send it to me as well? so let's say she doesn't know what my email is. HELLO. she can text me, right? i already finished my job with that cwts crap. and i don't want to get a lousy grade because i PREPARED ALOT! you hear, a lot. many. much. 많이. so i think i deserve a decent grade. and i lied to you bitch. haha. i told you it's 5pm but originally it's 6pm. why? BECAUSE YOU'RE A SLOWPOKE IN EVERYTHING!

 

i hope you understand me for being annoyed with you. because heck, i do have alot of stuff to be worthly annoyed at--- not like this. you know that this subject is annoying itself, why add? well like you would be able to read this anyway.  

i wish i could put into words what i am feeling now. it's just frustrating, bottled up inside my head. i feel like im going crazy, thinking various stuff at the same time. i need to let it out.

 

sometimes i want to say that i like him. but then, the other half was denial and regret. was i embarrassed? i want to talk this out to someone. someone who knows me well. to the point that, if that person looked at me, she knows what i was thinking. someone that would know that the guy i like was him and not the other one. and yeah, it's just so funny. i wish i have a brain recorder and just post it up here so i could forget about it easily. whenever i tell, write, or whatever what i have in mind, i feel better. well i guess that's how blogs are to be? at least for me. i don't really mind now if anyone sees this and tells him. hahaha. i'd like it to be that way. truthfully, i feel so happy when i communicate with him. but then the time i get in touch with him, i want him away from me. then if he doesn't call or text me, i feel bad. like i'd get a bit depressed. later this day i was texting with him and his replies were short. i thought he didn't want to talk to me. was i crazy!? why am i thinking stuff like this anyway? and as far as i know, i don't have the decency and rights to be like this. it would really be better if we were bestfriends instead. i like it how he teases me everytime. it's an excuse for me to talk to him longer. i seriously do not know if he's just bored or something.. but i guess, i guess i'd find that out in the future, don't i?

plus, i just seriously want school to be over for now. it's so tiring. i would want a well deserved vacation. i've been studying so hard these past two semesters and i did well. 4.2 gpa, right? i worked my ass off. i need a fucking break.

then, i wish my sister would knock some sense in her head to help me and my mom with the chores. she's fucking one of the factors that would drive me crazy. one day, lets say if she put up with that, i'm gonna go seriously crazy. i hate giving long ass high pitched lectures, but what can i do? the thing i hate the most in this world is not being cooperative. so screw you if you think i am a bitch. because i have a fucking good reason to be bitching at you and your attitude.  

end with the sister, let's go to the little brother. gosh, that little twerp. i wish he knocks sensible child stuff on his head and stop doing annoying things. i'm seriously gonna blow up anytime soon if he doesn't know how to shut his own mouth and his acts for his own good. again, i might be the bitchiest sister in the earth, whatever. it's the spur of the moment. i always have that.

 

to parents; i wish you guys would knock some decent sense in your heads as parents. that's all. i know what means a lot and if someone of you guys reads this, you'd know what i am talking about.

 

</3 

anymore.

it feels great. but im not sure anymore.

 

;[

 

i wish we were originally best friends instead! D: